"The Realest Thing I Have Ever Wrote"

Let me take a minute to take it to a whole 'Nother Level.... Usually I write on how I feel, facts, opinions, good topics, issues, etc.... All based off of experience or being witness to, or through common knowledge of...... But I continue to get asked, Why is it that You are still Single? And I usually avoid the entire subject, because it is deeper than me being just single..... For the first time, I am actually going to take a little time to touch on it.......

I am still single because, I do respect women, and I dont want to hurt anyone, when I know I am not ready to commit to another woman, because I am still in love with my son's mother.... And still am waiting and trying and hoping that we can work it out and be together. I stayed loyal, dedicated, faithful, to a fault over this past almost 3 years now.... I've heard it all, about I am nuts, crazy, waisting my time. But, I feel, that standing my ground and doing what I believe in still was the best thing I could have done...... It hurts, cause, over the time, I know she has been with other guys, dated, and so forth. But I now am starting to feel stuck. A little betrayed, hurt, and used and taken advantage of....... Whenever she needs something its me she calls, cause she knows I will be there and again, its my fault, because I allow her to do it......

Really, what I think it is, is I am scared that I am going to lose her. And I dont wanna lose her to another man. I dont wanna lose her for good. I honestly Love her with all of my heart and always will. But, I AM still IN-Love with Her..... Now, I have stood by her, because I feel guilty for our son, that we are not together, I dont wanna effect him, or hurt him. I want us to be a family. But e had the baby and she was young, not ready, too young in the mind and I put the blame on myself for that..... And I was young also, so what came along with a pregnant girlfriend at the time, at 22, I wasnt sure of my role, and I wasnt ready either, so I made mistakes that she still to this day, holds against me. NO, I didnt cheat, or anything like that...... I was young, and at the prime of reaching my goal, my dream, and I tried to prove to her and everyone that I could handle giving her all of my time and attention, and love, while spending long working hours in the studio, on promotions, and preparing for my album, recording songs, and I neglected her..... I never meant it. I was trying to be as successful as I could be to make sure they wanted for nothing, but at the same time. She missed out on my time. And in the end, I am the one who missed out. But, I came home every night.....Every night!! By Her side, she is my heart....My Soul.....My Life......My World.....

I just wish that it could end now. How long do I have to pay? There is no feeling in this world, worse than, the feeling of not knowing... And not knowing where you stand with someone..... If you find someone that you know that you really truly love. Just love that person. Do what you have to and do whatever it takes to give that person all of you.... I just want her to realize how much I love her, really, and that I love her more than anyone, and there is nobody that is gonna be there for her the way that I am, and do the things for her that I would, could, and have..... I waited her 3 years without any contact with another woman, and just want her to come home and give me another chance.... I never brought another woman into our relationship or equasion. I am upset that she has. But, it shouldnt have come to this.... But I am ok with giving it all I can to look past that... But, it still breaks my heart...... I Miss Her. More then I could ever try to explain or find a way to put into words..... I dont wanna see my life without her. The Hardest thing I have ever had to Face......

There is a direct look into my soul, through the eyes and Reflection "In The Mirror"



2012 "The Realest Thing I Have Ever Wrote" by J Rag